Oh the Journey...

I'm beginning to realize that this journey is going to be long. I knew it was going to take time. I expected nothing to happen overnight.

I'm not sure how to explain this, but it almost seems like the emotional toll something takes on you changes how long something feels. For instance, if you have to wait two years to say go to Paris on vacation it could seem like time flies because of the excitement built up in the waiting.

Don't get me wrong, there is excitement waiting for your children to come home. But the waiting and wondering if they are safe, if they feel loved, if they feel hope wears on you.

We don't even know who are kids are yet, but I already find myself wondering these things. I already find myself worrying. Getting frustrated when I don't hear back from our agency in my time frame. (There were staff changes and hearing back from people took time).

Part of our application is filling our our income, and my income has not only changed since I became a stay at home mom but it has changed through out the past few months. I was doing childcare at church and that changed. I was watching a friends baby and that changed. And these changes changed our income. We had to be honest about our finances and as soon as we felt like something was happening permanently we would fill out our application, and then it would change and we would have to re fill it out.

For me that was an emotional struggle because I just want to have it turned in. I want to have it complete, begin our home study, and find out who our kiddos are. And all of it is taking longer than I wanted.

And the journey is still on step one when I want to be halfway down the road by now.